Up for Discussion: Is a college student an adult?

Your student may be 18 or older, but does that make him or her an adult? Chances are you don't think so.

In a study that included some UC Davis students and their parents, researchers at Brigham Young University found that most parents of college students don't consider their 18- to -25-year-old children to be adults -- and the students agree.

"The pathway to adulthood isn't clearly defined and the transition may be a lengthy one," said Larry Nelson, associate professor in the School of Family Life at BYU and lead author on the study, titled "If You Want Me to Treat You Like an Adult, Start Acting Like One!"

Nelson said it wasn't unexpected to find that most students don't view themselves as full-fledged adults yet, given that previous studies have indicated a similar response. But it was a little surprising to learn that more than 80 percent of parents share that perception.

Accepting responsibility most important

The study included 392 college students and at least one of their parents from four campuses across the country, including UC Davis. When parents were asked whether their college-age children had reached adulthood, only 19 percent of fathers and 16 percent of mothers said yes.

Interestingly, the students and parents had differing opinions on what it takes to become an adult. Students focused more on the traditional milestones of becoming financially independent, having their own place and a settled career. Parents were more concerned with responsible behavior, especially concerning driving, drugs, alcohol, sex and language.

Both groups identified the most important step toward adulthood as being able to accept responsibility for the consequences of actions.

"The potential for conflict exists when parents and students disagree about views of adulthood during this time frame," Nelson said. "But it's also possible that if everyone has the same goals, the relationship can be better."

The findings were not broken down by individual campus.

Advice for parents

Since the study was released, Nelson said, he has received requests from parents asking for advice.

"They seem to be at a loss with what to do," Nelson said. "But children at this stage are no different than at any other age -- they need warmth, support, guidance and autonomy appropriate to their age."

Nelson offers two big don'ts:
-- Don't turn them out at 18: they still need you.
-- Don't be too controlling: let them make decisions and fail if they must.

He encourages parents to set high expectations, provide support and foster a close relationship. Let students make their own choices on majors and which classes to take.

"College students are like butterflies coming out of cocoons," Nelson said. "You can't force their wings to dry any faster and if you do, they may lose the ability to fly."