March 2005

Up for discussion: Family time

Parents may be surprised that family obligations are high on students' lists of priorities. So, here, a campus psychologist shares her advice to students and their parents about balancing family and school commitments.

A recent survey conducted by Student Affairs Research and Information at UC Davis found that undergraduate students spent an average of just over four hours a week satisfying family obligations. This was more time per week than they spent working, in internships, doing community service, exercising, watching TV and in various social activities.

Time spent on family commitments included simple acts like making phone calls and e-mailing to helping around the house or running errands, the survey reported.

But almost one-third of the close to 200 respondents were being relied upon by their family members. Some are parents or spouses. Some are the glue that holds their family together emotionally, for example, as counselors to a parent or mentors to a sibling.

So how do you and your child balance family commitments, academics and social needs?

"If the student is having trouble balancing family interests and academics, we look at ways to help them do that," says psychologist Shelley Chavoor of the campus Counseling and Psychological Services.

"I may see students individually," says, "but I always view them in the context of their family," she says, adding that she has counseled students who are responsible, for example, for working in their parents' stores or restaurants or caring for younger siblings.

Students can feel stress and anxiety when their family depends on them for help and they're trying to maintain good academic standing.

In families where English is not the first language, students may even take on the responsibility of paying their family's bills and acting as a translator.

Chavoor stresses that she doesn't offer solutions, but does help students and, sometimes, their family members to find them.

"Sometimes something just has to give, and they have to figure out what that is," she says.

Parents can help students to maintain a healthy balance between family obligations and campus commitments by talking openly with their children about their expectations, understanding the effects family responsibilities can have on students and working together with them to solve problems when they arise.

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