Parent to parent: Children here, near and far

By John Corrigan

It used to be so easy: three kids, one home. One grocery bill. One checking account. One time zone.

Now, our nuclear family has divided into three households: our son at UC Davis, his sister in grad school in Missouri, and us at home with our high schooler.

It's been an adjustment, to say the least. But it's now been five years since we first began franchising our family, and we've learned a few things to make these transitional years a bit smoother.

If you're new to the semi-empty nest, perhaps the best advice we can offer is to arrange family reunions as often as you can. One-on-one visits are great, but there's nothing quite like getting the whole gang together.

That point was driven home to us over the President's Day weekend, when my wife, Alison, and I flew up to see our son Kevin, a sophomore at Davis.

Four out of five

The agenda for the weekend was fairly modest; mainly, we just wanted to have a low-key visit. As it happened, though, our high school sophomore, Katie, was also in Sacramento with the YMCA's Model Legislature and Court.

We suggested a visit to the Capitol, thinking that we could also see Kevin's sister in action. Both Kevin and his roommate Chad were game. We took the tourist tour of the legislative chambers (temporarily taken over by an earnest group of junior lawmakers), and it proved to be something of an eye-opener for both young men. There was talk of looking into internships at the Capitol, or maybe taking a quarter of study in Washington D.C.

As for Katie, well, we were under strict orders not to make contact with her in Sacramento. As the child who was left behind when her siblings went off to college, she apparently thinks she gets a little too much parental attention.

Katie did want to see her brother, however, and so with him as bait we were able to lure her away for dinner Saturday night at the venerable Frank Fat's downtown. It may have been just four-fifths of a family reunion, but I'll take it.

With any luck, the full reunion will take place this month, when both Kevin and his grad school sister, Kelly, are home on spring break.

Missing family time

I had originally planned to fly back to see Kelly on her break, traveling solo because her mom burned up a lot of vacation time moving her back to Missouri. But then it occurred to me that Kelly would be getting the short end of the stick: me.

By flying home instead, Kelly has a chance to see her whole family: Mom and Dad, brother and sister, grandparents, aunts, uncle and friends. That's just the kind of break you sometimes need when you're halfway across the country, and still finding your way around.

Well, I probably shouldn't speak for Kelly. But for me, it's the family time that you miss the most when they go off to college.

The days of loading the kids in the car and trundling them off to the beach, or the snow, or the museum, are history. But you get a glimpse of those times whenever you get together, and the dynamics play out much the way they did 10 or 15 years ago.

The family adventure continues, even when they do go away to college. Don't wait for a holiday or a wedding to get together, or you'll miss out on some good times.