Parent to parent: When they want to transfer

By John Corrigan

You toured the campus, helped your student move into the dorm, proudly slapped a UC Davis decal on the back of the family van.

Then, one day, your Aggie breaks the news: She wants to transfer. It is, of course, her decision. But don’t scratch off that decal just yet.

If you’re like most parents, you’ve probably invested a lot of your own time, talent and treasure in getting her this far. So if there’s a fork in the road, you’ve got some standing to slow things down and weigh in on the decision.

One good reason for changing schools might be to take advantage of a curriculum that’s more in tune with your student’s career objective. It’s hard to argue against that.

When they first start college, many young people have only a vague notion of what they want to study. After a year or two in, it may finally click — only for students to find that their present college isn’t the best suited for their long-range goals. If that’s the case, for your student, you’ll probably want to help him or her make that transfer as smoothly as possible.

Funny thing is, we’ve known a number of students who wanted a change in collegiate venue over the years, and curriculum wasn’t always the main issue.

Homesickness was the driving factor in a couple instances. In another case, a young woman wanted to move closer to her fiancé.

Offer perspective

As compelling as these reasons may seem at the time, they can look a little shortsighted when viewed from a long-range perspective. And that’s the kind of perspective we parents can offer, from our perch high on the upper slopes of Time Mountain.

That engagement, for example, might end. That’s what happened with the young woman we know — but not before a disruptive transfer sidetracked her education for a year or more.

Homesickness can be an especially tough one for parents to tackle. We want our students to thrive in their college years, to make new friends and to get a taste of the heady independence of adulthood. But we can’t feel so good about it if we learn they are miserable.

One solution here might be to insist — err, suggest — that your student finish the academic year before he or she transfers, or at least to have his or her admission to a new school approved before pulling up stakes.

By doing so, students avoid a disruptive gap in their academic career — a point you should feel free to emphasize. But another reason — and one you don’t have to mention — is that a delay may give your student the time he or she needs to adjust to the campus and get over that homesickness.

Along those lines, you might also want to pay more frequent visits to your student, especially if you live far away, and suggest they get involved in some campus activities to help warm to their environment.

Talk it over

No matter what the reason, any talk of a transfer gives you the opportunity to trigger a wide-ranging conversation with your son or daughter about what’s going on in his or her life. Listen carefully; this may be a chance to detect underlying anxieties or problems that go beyond academics and curriculum.

In the end, our students are adults who get to choose where they go to school. Your role as parent (and in many cases, financial underwriter) gives your words significant weight, however. While your student may appear to ignore you in the moment, your words will likely resonate long after you’ve said them.

So choose those words carefully. You can guide, ask questions, try to find out what’s really wrong. You may not want to peel off that decal, pack away that “UC Davis Mom” mug or cancel this year’s pilgrimage to Picnic Day. But you do want to make sure the decision is the right one for your student. Maybe it is, and maybe it isn’t, but you won’t know until you’ve had a chance to talk it over.