May 2003

Up for discussion: Living in turbulent times

No parent is privileged to know ahead of time what the world will be like when his or her child begins college. This year's freshmen are coming of age in highly-charged political times. Some will cling steadfastly to values learned at home, and some will change radically. Some who change will change again.

New ideas that might be explored primarily in class during calmer times may take the form of political action or emotional upheaval or both.

How should a parent respond?

	Hieu Dovan

The suggestions below come from the Principles of Community, which guide the campus, and from Hieu Dovan of the Counseling Center, who was interviewed regarding the war in Iraq but whose comments apply to other situations.

• Expect your student to explore unfamiliar perspectives. Part of the delight of college is trying new things, not just living away from home and taking advanced classes, but also investigating new ideas.
  
• Listen to your student and encourage your student to listen to others in a respectful manner. It takes time to learn how to disagree with other people in a way that does not belittle or disparage them. You can help your student by modeling civility and respect for the rights of others, especially when you have significantly different viewpoints.
  
• Anticipate that your student's views will be affected by happenstance. Is your student's roommate from the Middle East? Did your student enroll in a class on immigration? Was your student deeply moved by a play, a speech or a cultural event?
  
• Although these are troubling times, do not assume that your student is troubled. Many young people remain fully focused on college. To find out how your student is doing, Dovan recommends asking open-ended questions such as, "What's the latest on campus?" You can gauge a lot about how students feel by how they talk about the campus.
  
• Talk about feelings. Says Dovan, "Feelings have no right or wrong to them. By definition, there's a diversity of feelings. So it's not a case of convincing each other 'my view is the right one.'"
  
• If you want your student to confide in you, don't be judgmental. Students often decide whether or not to share with parents based on their perception of how the parents might react.
  
• If your student is deeply affected by world events, Dovan says, "Encourage them to talk. Simply talking about their stress will help it go down." If you suspect severe disturbance -- if eating and sleeping patterns are out of whack -- recommend a visit to the Counseling Center.

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