Parent to parent: Should you be in the audience?

For the nearly four years my son has been playing trombone in the jazz band at his Midwestern college, my husband and I have been asking about coming to a show.

"Oh, don't do that," our son said. "We only play for an hour. Don't fly 2,000 miles for that."

We accepted this, but when my husband's Midwestern conference fell at the right moment, he went to our son's performance and came home breathless with excitement.

"Daniel soloed in every number," he told me. "Then they added an extra choral piece and Daniel was asked, right from the stage, to play backup. He was in everything!"

My husband was thrilled and proud and puzzled.

Why did our son have a starring role? Was he the best player? It didn't seem so. Was everyone else afraid to solo? Unlikely in a group of jazz artists. Was it simply his turn?

A few days later, my husband asked.

"Oh, I requested the solos," he explained, "because you were coming."

That was the moment, four years too late, when I learned I should have flown there.

Many types of performance

My recent interviews with UC Davis students confirm that this generation of young people — not everyone, of course, but the majority — likes parents to see them perform.

And it's not just musicians, but also students in theatre, dance and sports.

Stephanie Schmidt, a sophomore from Santa Rosa on the women's soccer team, explains, "It's really nice to have someone you love there to watch you. My parents are my biggest fans. I don't know if I play better when they come, but there's more fire."

The soccer team welcomes parents, who become supporters and a fan club. Parents hold potlucks after games and sometimes invite the whole team to their homes.

"Some parents have even flown to Arizona or Mississippi to watch us, which is just amazing," says Stephanie.

The coach, MaryClaire Robinson, encourages parent participation and reports that even when playing in Southern California, "we've sometimes had more parents in the stands than our opponent."

At the same time, Robinson understands the dynamics of parental involvement. "Because parents are not at practice, they may not know what we're asking the student athlete to do. We hope that parents leave coaching to the coach.

"The role of the parent is to encourage the student athlete to play and take risks. Don't critique. Enjoy the athleticism. Enjoy the event. Be proud that your child made it that far."

Proud faces in the crowd

But not all students object to those parental commentaries.

Carlena Henderson is a fourth-year music major from Sacramento who plays violin in the UC Davis Symphony Orchestra. She likes getting critiqued by her parents, who are both trained in classical music. "I know they'll be honest with me. They're educated in the field. When they give me constructive criticism, I don't take it personally. I understand that they're only looking for me to do well."

"If you come from a positive environment at home," she adds, "it's nice to have your parents there. Especially when you're nervous, it's a comfort to look in the audience and see that encouraging face cheering you on.

"What child doesn't want praise from their father, mother, grandmother, uncle or aunt?"

A special audience

Even dancers, who often perform works their parents might not understand, want to share their world.

Kelsey Cassady, a graduating dance student from San Diego, says, "When you're on stage, it's a very vulnerable place to be. Friends who watch might say 'that was weird' or 'that wasn't dance.' Most dancers are excited when their parents come — they see them as more knowledgeable and wise."

"People like to perform for people they care about," she continues. "You're supposed to connect with the audience, and you feel you can do that when you know somebody."

Robert Coverdell, a fourth-year evolution and ecology major and dance student from Half Moon Bay, adds, "You're always trying to give the best show. When your parents are there, you want to make them proud of you, so you put even more effort in."

That's what my son did on his trombone. If you have a student who performs, chances are that he or she will do that, too.

Ask your son or daughter before coming to a game or a show.

If your student says "yes," don't miss out on the chance.