June 2003

Parent to parent: Will the changes surprise you?

By Mom Marion

Waiting for their students to come home for the summer, parents often joke about possible surprises. Will Jenny have that tattoo she was saving for? Will Jimmy sport a tongue ring? What about pink hair?

My own daughter came home looking perfectly normal (maybe a little thinner), but as the summer wore on I realized I was living with a very different person, someone who had survived hard times. Freshman year wasn't easy for my daughter, especially attending school 3,000 miles away, but she was proud of sticking it out. If I had focused only on the fact that she looked the same and her room was still messy, I would have missed the big truth. She had developed a new kind of strength.

Students at UC Davis tell me that they, too, feel changed inside, and they want their parents to notice. I asked several dozen students, "When you go home this summer, what changes might surprise your parents?"

Here is a sampling of what they told me.

"I think I will be more thoughtful about the decisions I make. I will not be so impulsive."

"I will probably seem more knowledgeable about both intellectual and practical subjects. I think my parents will view me more as an adult and less as a teenager."

"I'm more grown up. I was terrified when I left home, and coming down here has given me more confidence."

"My family will see that I suffered a bit."

"I think it will be more like two adults talking, instead of a kid talking to their parents."

"My parents will definitely be surprised that my roommate's cleaning habits have rubbed off on me."

"If someone gives me $20 for my birthday, I'll save it instead of spending it the first chance I get."

"I have a sense of independence. I don't feel as much need to rebel."

"My parents will find me more aware of the world. I might be more opinionated."

"I don't know if I'll seem different, but I think I will talk to them more."

Out of these ten statements, five were true for my child. Summer is soon upon us. I invite you to see which ones are true for yours.

Newspaper columnist Marion Franck is the mother of a college junior and high-school senior. She has worked with UC Davis students as a lecturer.

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