June 2004

Parent to parent: What students want to tell you

By Mom Marion

If you haven't heard from your student this year as much as you had hoped, I wish you could have shadowed me recently as I traveled the campus interviewing freshmen and sophomores about their year at UC Davis.

You would have learned, as I did, that home and family are not forgotten. Quite the contrary, because for many students home is the reference point in a swirling world of new experiences.

'I made it through'

	First-year student Helaine Kwong is a native of Vacaville. (Debbie Aldridge/UC Davis)

"Around this time, you really get homesick," says Angelica Ferdinand, a freshman from Oroville. "Roommates deal with things differently from your family. You miss privacy. You miss home food."

Not all students yearn for the nest but many freshmen look forward to a break from academic stress.

"College is a lot harder than I expected," explains Helaine Kwong, a Vacaville native. "High school teachers tell you, 'When you're in college, they're not going to let you use sentence fragments,' but it takes being here for that to hit home."

Oluwaseun Okusanya, an engineering major, reports that his rigorous high school prepared him for his classes, but he still wants to tell his parents, "I made it through my first year. I'm still alive!"

"I made it through my first year. I'm still alive!" says freshman Oluwaseun Okusanya. (Debbie Aldridge/UC Davis)

If academics didn't threaten him, what did?

"I have the reputation of doing wild things -- not drinking -- but climbing trees, jumping off things, taking risks," Okusanya explains.

He has come up smiling, happy with his internationally themed dormitory, Hammarskjöld House, and pleased with the Davis environment, even though it is very different from his home in Southern California.

Big changes for sophomores, too

Freshman year is a life-altering transition, but sophomores tell me that the second year is also a challenge.

"First quarter in the apartment, all our grades went down a little bit because we had a jillion more responsibilities than in the dorms," says Nina Bennett, a communications major from Southern California. Parents may need to supply more cash. "You have to pay for your cleaning supplies, you've got to get a vacuum, you've got to get a mop."

Despite new chores, the sophomores I interview are, in general, more effervescent than their freshman counterparts.

Paul Ivanov, a computer science major from Mountain View, reports that he has relaxed about academics, something that became evident to him when he took an introductory psychology course and found himself surrounded by freshmen.

"It was so funny to look around and see them taking notes like crazy," he says. "I know it's a PowerPoint presentation and I can get it online. If it were my first quarter, I would have been just the same, scribbling like mad."

Ivanov has also become more adept at managing the social scene. "I have my hand on the pulse of the campus. I know where events are happening: parties, protests, movies, cool lectures. I don't have to befriend everyone, but I can get information from them."

Sophomore year is "a huge planning year," according to Colleen Young, an animal biology major. "I made a lot of decisions and I tried to open up a lot of opportunities for myself. I got a job at the vet hospital. I applied to go abroad to study marine biology. I talked to advisers. I changed my major."

Independence

When I ask a group of student advisers for a final word to parents, independence is a hot topic.

"I don't think it's necessary for my parents to have daily reports on how I run my life," says Ruwan Ekanayake, a junior from Fremont. "Independence is important, not just because you want it, but because you need it for the future. As an adult, you can't continue to rely on your parents."

But -- funny thing -- parents turn out to be right about some stuff.

Ekanayake's example draws a big laugh.

"Like maybe I should eat more apples."

Newspaper columnist Marion Franck is the mother of two college students, a freshman and a senior. She has worked with UC Davis students as a lecturer.

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