Parent to parent: A resolution for new school year

The start of a new college year is a time of fun and excitement -- for students, anyway. For us parents, this season is decidedly more ambivalent, as stronger bonds at school inevitably mean weaker ties at home.

Sure, we're enormously proud when our sons and daughters can't wait to head to campus. If this is their first year away at school, we share their anticipation of college life and the friends and experiences they'll be gaining in the years ahead.

If they're returning to campus after a few months at home, we know that they're anxious to meet up with their buddies and resume their newfound independence.

Heck, they might even be excited to be sitting in a classroom again.

But back at home, there's often a big hole left behind. Your daughter won't be around for an impromptu trek to the movies or dinner. Your son won't be in his bed at home anymore, and you'll miss him even if he has been keeping vampire's hours all summer.

The drop off

I've had the pleasure -- and yes, the sadness -- of making these fall deliveries a half-dozen times now. If this is your first, the good news is that the separations do get a little easier with time. But I've also learned the hard way that as much as you love your kids, out of sight can become out of mind.

A year ago, our son Kevin began his freshman year at UC Davis. After moving him into his three-man dorm room at Tercero, our plan was to take him out for a nice lunch in town and say a leisurely goodbye.

Kevin had other ideas. He was anxious to get to know his new roommates and settle in, so it was a hurried see-ya-later in the parking lot and then a long, quiet drive back to L.A.

Good intentions

No worries though; we knew we'd be back. Picnic Day had been on our calendars since the freshman orientation tour, so that was a definite. And we figured we would make a couple other visits during the year -- we'd play it by ear.

Things didn't quite work out that way.

October flew by, and then Thanksgiving was just around the corner. We knew Kevin would be home for that, so a fall visit didn't seem necessary.

In the spring, we were waved off coming for Picnic Day because of a predicted rainstorm (which came true). My wife Alison ended up visiting in May as part of a trip to the Sacramento Jazz Jubilee, but I had another commitment.

Visiting matters

In the end, it was a pretty sorry record. One freshman year, one visit by one parent. Making matters worse: We had both made twice-yearly pilgrimages to see our daughter Kelly while she was at Cal State San Marcos near San Diego, and that was on top of her own occasional trips home on weekends.

Siblings notice the subtlest of differences in parental behavior, and we have been called into account for our failure to visit. Our plea is guilty, and our resolution is to do better in the coming year.

The truth is, despite e-mail and endless minutes on our cell-phone plan, and despite their own occasional protests, there really is no substitute for checking in on the college kids from time to time -- looking them in the eye, taking them shopping, and, most importantly, pressing some folding money into their palms just before you say goodbye.

A new beginning

Speaking of goodbyes: When we moved Kelly into her campus apartment freshman year, I surprised her with a case of old-fashioned sodas to help stock her fridge. I thought of doing the same for Kevin last year, but time just ran away from me.

It was noticed. So before moving him into his digs this past Labor Day weekend, I stopped by a Highland Park market known as the Soda Pop Stop and picked out 24 bottles of old-school refreshment -- Nehi Peach, Faygo Cream Soda, Boylan Sugar Cane Cola and the like -- and hid it under a blanket in the car.

When we got to Davis, I plunked the case down on the counter of his new kitchen. Already, I think the year is getting off to a better start.