Parent to parent: Meet the roommates — and their parents

By John Corrigan

It’s back-to-college time (delete the “back” if you’re the parent of a freshman), and there’s nothing like the comfort of a checklist to help ease that transition.

Actually, make that two checklists.

There’s the list for the students, which largely consists of things they don’t think they need, but which you know from experience they will. And there’s one for you, the parents.

Let’s start with that one, since it has just two entries:

1. Meet the roommates.
2. Meet their parents.

Sounds simple, but in the rush of move-in day, it’s easy to overlook. That’s especially the case if your student is moving into the dorms. If you haven’t done this before, you’ll be amazed at how quickly your son or daughter will unpack the car, plug in the computer, and send you on your way back home.

Stall to meet roommates, parents

You’ll be lucky to squeeze off a photo or two, but if at all possible try to stall your departure long enough to meet the roommates, with bonus points if you can meet their parents too.

This is mostly for your benefit. In the weeks and months to come, your student will be spending lots of time with his or her roommates. Even if they don't become fast friends, roomies will be a big part of their lives, and you'll just feel better if you've had a chance to meet them and their families, having faces and personalities to put with the names you'll be hearing again and again.

This is easier, of course, when you are moving your student into an apartment or a house. Unlike the dorms, off-campus quarters have to be stocked with food and supplies, giving you an excuse to hang out a bit and get to meet everyone.

That’s what we did — shamelessly — when our eldest daughter moved into a campus apartment as a freshman, and when our son moved into a house his sophomore year at Davis. We got to meet all of their roommates and their families as everyone traipsed in with bags and boxes — stocking the fridge, deciphering the IKEA instructions, setting up the computers.

After our daughter’s move-in, a group of us adjourned to a local restaurant for margaritas and Mexican food. A simple thing, but it helped us feel a bit better when we drove home that night. We had at least some sense of the people with whom she’d be spending time.

Such gatherings aren’t always in the cards. Some students move in by themselves, and when parents do come along, they will often have their own plans that don’t include you.

But, if the stars are aligned, take advantage of the chance to get to know your students’ roommates and their parents. At many colleges, you can get this sort of opportunity at a parents weekend in the fall. But, as of this writing, UC Davis doesn’t have a parents weekend. That’s all the more reason to try to meet your counterparts on move-in day, as rushed and hectic as that day may be.

About underwear and stationery

Now, about the other checklist — the one for the students.

You already know what they need to bring with them, of course: a computer, a desk lamp, a waste basket, a warm jacket, and so on. Don’t worry about that stuff, though — they’ll remember to bring all those obvious things.

But here are a few things they may not realize they need:

• Extra towels. In our house, the kids seem to think that towels are magically picked off the bathroom floor, laundered and returned to the towel rack. If your kids have also grown up in a hotel-like environment, towel-wise, better send a few extra along until they get the hang of the real world.
• Two weeks’ worth of underwear. You probably do your laundry once a week. They probably won’t. That extra weeks’ worth of clean ones will be much appreciated.
• First-aid kit. Nothing elaborate here — just fill one of those sturdy quart plastic zip bags with some adhesive bandages, antacid tablets and general-purpose pain relievers. If they need this stuff at 2 a.m., it helps to have it handy.
• Stamps and envelopes. I know; it’s so analog in this era of e-mail, texting and Facebook pages. But you’d be surprised at how much an old-fashioned, snail-mail letter can light up your day. If you send some stationery along with your student, you’ll have increased the odds of you (or someone) getting a note.

While you’re at it, set aside a couple sheets of stationery for yourself, too. Your son and daughter might appreciate that letter in the mailbox even more than you.