October 2003

Parent to parent: Do's and don'ts for visits

By Mom Marion

On my first visit to my daughter in college, I planned to stay in her dorm room. Sleeping on the floor doesn't bother me, and I knew she had a sleeping bag. I couldn't wait to see her, but I wanted to save money.

It wasn't until about a week before the visit that I pictured myself walking down the hall to the bathroom, past male and female rooms, in my bathrobe carrying my towel. Then I imagined myself at a group sink. I picked up the phone and dialed a hotel.

Expensive, yes. The right decision? Definitely!

Later I realized that visiting your student is never a good time to save money. If you want to be eagerly awaited, your motto should be: Spoil, spoil, spoil.

Do

• Notify your student of your visit ahead of time. "We've got to make sure the room is decent," says UC Davis junior Yohannes Gebrekidan.
• Better yet, ask your student when you should come. An approaching midterm can hang over your visit like a thundercloud.
• Bring food, buy food or make food while you're there. If you take your student to a restaurant (a favorite activity), encourage him or her to invite friends. "It's nice when other people's parents treat you like their own child," says senior Jessica Chang.
• Take your student shopping. Supermarkets and big-box retailers are popular destinations, especially for apartment dwellers.

Don't

• Expect to spend every moment with your student. Especially on a longer visit, the student needs time to study.
• Expect to be invited to class, especially if it's a small one.
• Spend too much time in your child's room or apartment. "Limit your visit to a day. Or have planned activities so you're not always invading others' space," says Scott Williams, a junior.

The Big Do

Have fun. Third-year student Beret Duncan -- an expert advice-giver because she works at the Memorial Union Information Desk -- says enthusiastically, "Kids love the attention from family."

I agree. Bring love. And money.

For more ideas and helpful information about coming to campus, check out the Visiting Campus Web page.

Newspaper columnist Marion Franck is the mother of two college students, a freshman and a senior. She has worked with UC Davis students as a lecturer.

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