December 2002

Parent to parent: Got grades?

By Mom Marion

Grades are like money. A certain level of grade is essential to stay in school, just as a certain amount of money is needed to put food on the table. Beyond that, both get complicated, and earning all A's as a freshman, like winning the lottery, is not always desirable.

I learned this from my daughter, who did not get all A's freshman year, but came close. She did this by putting in long hours that might have been better spent cultivating new friendships or just hanging out. And yet, I can't say those good grades were a bad thing, because they gave her confidence in her academic ability when other areas of her transition to college weren't going as well.

Like other people, I sometimes assume that more is better — more A's or more cash — but the truth is more complex and subtle. Just as we use money to obtain something else (a computer, a car, a vacation), we should view grades as a map rather than a destination.

If your child gets low grades this quarter, it's like that first job at McDonald's, where bad pay teaches a young person that he or she needs to strive for more. One phenomenon we observe at UC Davis is that students refocus after the winter holiday, and in most cases no parental pressure is needed for them to do better the next time around. In addition, a low grade can direct your student away from the wrong major and towards the right one. A high grade in an unfamiliar subject may point towards the perfect career.

Beginning Dec. 30, your student can use the online student information system to pick up his or her first "paycheck." Be interested, be proud; try not to panic. If your student decides not to tell you the grades, that's his or her legal right.

My daughter does tell me her grades, but I don't claim to have figured out how to respond to them. If I fail to sound excited, I disappoint her. If I sound too enthusiastic, I create a pressure to excel. Mostly, I try to focus on other aspects of her life.

It helps me to know that there is one clear principle that applies to grades, and parents are in a good position to live by it. Just as love is more important than money, love is more important than grades.

Newspaper columnist Marion Franck is the mother of a college junior and high-school senior. She has worked with UC Davis students as a lecturer.

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