December 2004

Parent to parent: The ups and downs of grades

By Mom Marion

Grades are like money. We assume that more is better -- more A's or more cash. But the truth is not that simple, and earning all A's as a freshman, like winning the lottery, is not always desirable.

I learned this from my daughter, who did not get all A's freshman year, but came very close. She did this by putting in long hours that would have been better spent making friends and hanging out. And yet, I can't say those good grades were a bad thing, because they gave her academic confidence when other areas of her transition to college weren't going as well.

Students refocus in the New Year

More commonly, the story happens in reverse. The student's social life goes so well that grades suffer. If your child brings home low grades this quarter, it's like that first job at McDonald's, when bad pay teaches a young person that they need to strive for more.

One phenomenon we observe at UC Davis is that students refocus and rebalance after the winter holiday. In most cases, no parental pressure is needed for them to do better the next time around. In addition, a low grade can direct your student away from the wrong major and towards the right one. A high grade in an unfamiliar subject may point towards the perfect career.

Responding to grades

Beginning Dec. 27, your child can go online to pick up his or her first "paycheck." Be interested. Be proud. Try not to panic. If your student decides not to tell you the grades, that's his or her legal right.

My daughter does tell me her grades, but I don't claim to have figured out how to respond to them. If I am nonchalant, I disappoint her. If I sound too enthusiastic, I create pressure to excel. Mostly, I try to focus on other aspects of her life.

It helps me to know that there is one clear principle that applies to grades, and parents are in a good position to live by it. Just as love is more important than money, love is more important than grades.

This article, now slightly revised, was first published in the December 2002 issue of the Aggie Family Pack newsletter.

Newspaper columnist Marion Franck is the mother of a first-year graduate student and a college sophomore. She has worked with UC Davis students as a lecturer.

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